“There are no bad soldiers, only bad officers.” -Napoleon Bonaparte

1). You always think with your dick (most managers are men).

2). You think cocaine is one of the four food groups.

3). You only hire based on physical attractiveness.

4). You allow a toxic atmosphere.

5). You suck at communicating with your staff.

6). You always play favourites.

7). You steal tip outs or take tables from servers when you don’t have to.

8). You spend most of your time in the office (lead from the front!).

9). You sit around when the restaurant is super busy.

10). You never seat or clean tables, run food or drinks, or wash dishes.

11). You never talk to customers.

12). Your best friends at work are Jack Daniels, Jim Beam, and Jameson.

13). You criticize your staff but never compliment them.

14). You overwork your best employees, never discipline the worst ones, and wonder why your staff sucks (people don’t quit their jobs, they quit their bosses).

15). You never give your staff perks like free drinks and meals, or even a staff party.

16). You always accept workers being late or not showing up.

17). You let your buddies and regulars insult or harass the staff.

18). You promote yes men and fire honest employees.

19). You never read books about leadership, restaurant management, or even google how to be a good manager.

20). You blame constant employee turnover on leaving workers but never consider your restaurant’s flaws.

21). You show up hungover at work or get drunk at work all the time.

22). You never get drunk at work (sometimes you have to bond with the staff).

23). You micromanage and allow no initiative.

24). You never kick out a customer no matter what they do.

25). You apologize, appease, or kiss ass to rotten customers.

26). You don’t know it costs less money to improve hiring practices rather than continuing to hire crappy staff.

27). Your workers are terrified of you and hate you (to paraphrase Machiavelli, it’s good to be feared and loved, but never hated).

28). You sell drugs at your restaurant or tolerate them being sold.

29). You have sex in the office (make sure you at least don’t get caught).

30). You don’t appreciate your regulars (they pay your bills).

31). You never admit you’re wrong, even in private.

32). You chew out employees in front of colleagues and customers.

33). You always cut labour no matter the cost to service or food quality (you save pennies to lose dollars).

34). You don’t allow polite, constructive criticism from your staff.

35). You are nice to owners and customers but shit on your employees.

36). You don’t understand the importance of food costs, advertising, and cleanliness.

37). You are a stickler for rules, even when they make no sense.

38). You do pointless tasks during peak business (like fixing a stapler on a Friday night).

39). You sleep with all the waitresses or try to.

40). You’re a female manager who hates all waitresses (because they are other women obviously).

41). You don’t give any slack to employees who care but don’t call out bad ones (watch the good ones leave in droves).

42). You don’t care about customer service… AT ALL!

43). You think most customers are idiots who whine about everything instead of accepting valid criticism.

44). You don’t stop drunk/obnoxious customers from ruining other patrons’ experiences (most patrons won’t complain, they just won’t come back).

45). You always fall back on excuses!

46). You constantly drink beer out of a coffee mug on shift (the key is moderation).

47). You have bags of cocaine at work just in case you want some.

48). You never remember food or drink specials, holidays, or special events in the city.

49). You always suck up to corporate office and never hesitate to throw employees under the bus.

50). You never admit when you are wrong, apologize when you cross the line, or take responsibility for anything.