My roommate came downstairs as I cracked open a beer and downed it in 10 seconds. It was a weekday and there wasn’t a special occasion. He saw me do this a few times lately but said nothing. But he was intrigued enough by now to demand an explanation.

He looked at me in a confused manner and said “what the hell are you doing?” 

I returned his glare as I slumped back onto the couch. It took me a few seconds to recover from slamming a beer so quickly for my age at the time (39). Twenty years of drinking, Red Bull, and bartending takes a toll on the body.

Without shame I told him “I’m chugging a beer every night so it will be easier to binge drink in the summer.” I was preparing for all the patios, parties, and long evenings on the deck where my friends and I would over indulge.

His confusion turned to disgust and he said “that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of in my life.” Somehow I instantly believed him.

I can’t remember if I broke out laughing, or if he just went back upstairs in disbelief. It was probably both. Either way, it’s the first thing I remember when thinking of my old roommate and best friend, who died last year.

He was like an older brother and the only person who could be that harsh with me without me getting angry.

I miss him everyday.