Xerxes was that manager all guys like. If you were a straight shooter, did your job, and showed respect, you were untouchable. This was at my least favourite restaurant job, I despised much of the staff, but he was always a gem. Unlike other gutless managers he called out people and fired those who deserved it. In a profession that attracts some of the most insolent, lazy, and incompetent people from society, that isn’t a small percentage of restaurant workers.
If you’re a high performer like me (such naive fools existed in the bar industry) who takes work seriously, you have ZERO tolerance for those who do far below what’s expected. At this pathetic place you’d need depth charges to find most employees’ work ethic. I remember one Saturday morning where four people called in sick, and there wasn’t even a concert or sports event the night before.
Xerxes used to tell stories how he fired the worst of the worst: Those who are always late and sick (hungover or high), those who just screw the boss to get ahead (or give head), the bitches with attitudes, the cocky bartenders, etc. I’d like to think they learned and became better people and workers. More likely, they probably moved to bars that accepted such nonsense, or hopped place to place until alcoholism (for men) and gravity (for women) made them un-hireable.
I called Xerxes the “Shah of (I won’t name the place).” It was a testament to my respect of the man, that he was Persian, and that Iran’s theocracy sucks more than the secular, arrogant, Shah’s regime that preceded it. I’m a history nerd remember!
He was also hilarious and was an interesting character. Xerxes had a tumultuous relationship with his wife. She once stockpiled frozen salmon stolen from a restaurant and during an argument he throw it all into the backyard.
I’d also never met a soldier who served in the Iran-Iraq War before and haven’t since. His war stories were fascinating but I was tempted to ask him what it was like to serve in the only army that ever lost to Saddam Hussein. At least he was a proud Persian, bragging about times Persia beat Greek armies. But as a history major I knew Greece, under Alexander the Great, had conquered Persia… but I didn’t want to offend my favourite manager with such a tiny detail.
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But however fun and interesting Xerxes was he had a fateful, tragic, COMMON FLAW among male managers: He was a pervert! As much as he was loved by the guys he was despised by the ladies.
If you were a female with even remotely decent looks and were at least 16 years old, you learned to be weary around him. To be clear, as far as I know Xerxes never touched, verbally abused, or threatened any woman. If I knew he had I wouldn’t be writing this story. There are lines you NEVER cross with women, but I’ll admit he came close to skirting a few occasionally.
What I do remember are the times he said and did foolish, inappropriate things.
He once did the most ridiculous sexual twerk that made the bartenders howl… except for me… that was gross. Another time he talked about making a glory hole between the staff washrooms. This time I spoke up, half jokingly saying “have you seen our female staff?” Yuck! Another time he greeted me as I began my shift like this: “Hey (author’s name),” then I said “hey Xerxes.” After a moment of silence he merely said “penis, vagina.” By then I wasn’t shocked, but suddenly felt foolish telling one girl the other day he wasn’t THAT inappropriate.
Xerxes often made lewd comments to the girls yet only one quit over it… that I know of. Personally, I’ve seen much worse managers and fuck boys. At the risk of pissing off waitresses everywhere the difference between a creep and a fuck boy, who both act like perverts, is many waitresses overlook the conduct of fuck boys when they want to FUCK them. I’m not blaming the victim and most waitresses don’t fall for it, I’m merely stating a common phenomenon I observed.
But one day he succumbed to those twin qualities that doom powerful men throughout history: Hubris and complacency. In other words, he went too far!
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At the time a colleague (okay my supervisor) and I were flirting and texting. She kept touching me suggestively and as I had no other girl on my radar I tested the waters. She turned out to be a liar and a tease (and MARRIED), but at the time she seemed hot and nice. I remember she often said “I’m one of the nicest people you know,” kind of like how guys say “I’m a nice guy” to get approval. That should have been a bright, red flag! Nice people don’t tell you they’re nice, they show it through actions.
With hindsight I should’ve known she was trouble, as I noticed men kept coming in to see her. Plus she sometimes touched other guys, including Xerxes, who was probably 30 years older. But when you like someone and want attention you can suspend common sense and sound judgment.
Anyway, I don’t know whether my superior teased Xerxes, if he thought she had, or he was just thinking with his dick, I don’t know. But I know what occurred between them was still vastly inappropriate.
My superior hadn’t been at work for a few days. Out of the blue she texted me but something was off. Like most people born before 1995 I found it hard to decipher the feelings and intentions behinds texts, but I knew she was troubled. Being a straight shooter I asked what was wrong.
It’s been 8 years and at least 6000 pints later but I remember exactly what she said… because I screen shot it: “That bastard Xerxes (or his real name) showed me his dick! I’m so offended.” Knowing me I likely put down the phone, fell onto the couch, and laughed for five minutes.
No wonder Xerxes was less chatty… and perverted, the last time I saw him. I’m unsure how I reacted to this “development.” I liked them both: One because I wanted to hang with her, the other because he was a great manager. Most likely I kept my mouth shut, was nice to both, and waited for events to unfold. After all, 10 years into my career I knew it was best to avoid gossip, be friendly with most people, and play both sides when needed. Before you judge me try to understand bartending is often as ruthless and unpredictable as politics and war.
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A few days later she came back to work, he hadn’t been there for awhile, and using common sense I put 2 and 2 together. I do not recall how the GM sold Xerxes’s “departure” to us. We were a corporate chain, if only a 3rd rate one, so there were templates to deal with such unpleasantries. Our GM was a slimy careerist who was all smiles, but behind that threw more people under the bus than General Luigi Cadorna.
I may have been hungover at the time, it was a morning shift, but I remember him clearly saying “he doesn’t work here anymore” and few details were provided. Given how much Xerxes and him had been best buddies that shows how ruthless the industry can be. People are allies and best friends until they aren’t… and they often never speak again.
Thus, like all bartenders and soldiers who see combat and their friends killed or fired, I felt sad, said a prayer, and moved on. You know what the worst part was… he was the best manager who ever worked at the place.
The story doesn’t end there. He got another job, literally 100 meters down the street at another chain restaurant. Given how small our city was and how tight-knit the restaurant community is, I bet everyone soon knew of his “wardrobe malfunction.” But restaurants need managers, they’re a dime a dozen, and Xerxes used connections to secure a position. No doubt one condition of his employment was to not drop his pants in front of any female employee! Given the waitresses were more attractive than at my crummy restaurant, this may have been a struggle for him.
As for my supervisor, who witnessed Xerxes’s sea monster, she turned out to be a liar, a tease, and a backstabber. She continued to string along guys who came into the bar, had an affair with another married man, and slept with one of our managers. All while I was too stupid and/or pathetic to see the truth, until I finally left that toxic place.
It’s a lesson all men need to learn. To never simp or keep giving chances, or the benefit of the doubt, to women who show more red flags than Mao’s Red Guards.
That and to never expose your… manhood to a female colleague at work!