There’s an early episode of The Simpsons where Homer reluctantly wears a pink shirt to work. He’s spotted by Mr. Burns, mocked by colleagues, and sent to a mental asylum. Michael Jackson guest starred and I don’t remember the point, but for years afterwards I laughed whenever I saw a bright, pink shirt. That’s what…

“I Sell Bull Semen.” -Sam at the Bartop  It was probably Thursday night. The place wasn’t busy as I had in-depth conversations with customers at the bar. A young man, probably in his mid-20s, sat at the bartop. I didn’t like working there (a pizza place in the suburbs), mostly due to management. But I…

“It’s just a bag blowing in the wind… do you have any idea how complicated your circulatory system is?” -God, Family Guy The restaurant industry is like war. 95% of the time it’s boring and mundane and the other 5% is interesting and chaotic. It’s not like how it’s portrayed in Hollywood: Not every staff…

“Grant stood by me when I was crazy, and I stood by him when he was drunk, and now we stand by each other.” -William Tecumseh Sherman Every bartender has that friend. Someone they met in the industry, is always down for drinking, and follows you from bar job to bar job. If you’ve seen…

Julio was an easygoing, reliable line cook, who never caused me trouble. I was managing at the second best job in my career and was always happy to see him. Usually he had the morning/afternoon shift, while I did nights, and we’d speak briefly during the turn over. He was from Mexico, did weed, and…

“There are no bad soldiers, only bad officers.” -Napoleon Bonaparte 1). You always think with your dick (most managers are men). 2). You think cocaine is one of the four food groups. 3). You only hire based on physical attractiveness. 4). You allow a toxic atmosphere. 5). You suck at communicating with your staff. 6).…