1). You drag your feet… always.

2). You show up to work just on time everyday, only to avoid a writeup. 

3). You don’t want to talk to people.

4). You drink, smoke, or eat too much. 

5). Your fridge has a constant supply of Red Bull. 

6). You consider doing cocaine.

7). You gamble away your tips, hoping to get a jackpot to escape the profession.

8). Most of your interactions with people are forced, transactional, and shallow. 

9). You always preplan what you’ll say to people. 

10). You actually like doing dishes in the kitchen (to get away from people).

11). You don’t care if the bartop is sticky.

12). All you do is act and tell people what they want to hear, and never have legitimate moments with people

13). You know how to take any side of a political or controversial debate just so you can agree with any customer.

14). You never clean, do side duties, or take professional pride.

15). You always sleep in.

16). You never remember the daily specials or what’s on tap.

17). You always show up drunk or high. 

18). You dislike most of your customers and colleagues.

19). You enjoy cleaning, side duties, and closing the bar more than talking to people.

20). You have a prepared resignation letter… written on a cocktail napkin!

21). You never enjoy work.

22). Your favourite part of the day is locking the door once all customers are gone.

23). You don’t even want to flirt with cute customers anymore.

24). Your only metric of success is enough tips to survive, pay rent, and drink.

25). You want to say fuck this, quit on the spot, and run out of the room.

26). You drink on the job and don’t care if people notice.

27). You get up just 15 minutes before your shift so you can avoid work as long as possible.

28). You and your colleagues get into shouting matches (not cool).

29). You are passive aggressive or sarcastic with customers (unless they really deserve it).

30). You purposely sabotage the frozen drink machine before the weekend start.

31). You spend most of your tips at another bar after work to numb the pain.

32). You have a DUI (some bartenders have 3 or more).

33). You have slept with multiple colleagues and now you hate each other.

34). You disrespect management openly (which wouldn’t be tolerated elsewhere).

35). You recommend other bars when people call for reservations for holidays.

36). You don’t bother to get to know new bartenders, assuming they won’t stick around (many have the life expectancy of a Second Lieutenant in Vietnam).

37). You don’t know the names of the cooks, hostesses, or dishwasher.

38). Your uniforms are perpetually wrinkled, dirty, and worn out. 

39). You haven’t bought a new pair of work shoes in five years.

40). You are triggered by babies crying.

41). You go into the alley to throw milk crates around when you get angry (the guys).

42). You retreat into the cooler to cry when you’re hurt (the girls).

43). You assume every bartender is a fuck boy and all male customers are creeps (the girls).

44). You assume every waitress and women are manipulative (the guys).

45). You find it hard to find and maintain a healthy relationship (see points 43 and 44).

46). You’ve gained too much weigh by eating at the bar or having takeout after work.

47). Your friends and family keep saying you have a problem.

48). You instinctively realize you have a problem but won’t face it.

49). You live paycheck to paycheck and never plan for the future.

50). You leave from more restaurants than Italy does from military alliances.

51). You don’t know the names of the regulars… even at the bartop.

52). You drink every, single night.

53). You are well known in most bars within a 10 mile radius (and often not in a good way).

54). You have to go to the psych ward (it happens more than you think).

55). You’re exposed to so much conflict and violence you can handle it calmly (the cost is constant hyper-vigilance).

56). Loud or sudden noises trigger you.

57). You don’t trust people anymore… period.

58). You constantly use humour to deflect or as a coping mechanism.

59). You don’t smile at work anymore.

60). You begin to think an office job couldn’t be any worse.

61). You envy people who work 9-5, even though you like to sleep in.

62). You think you’re one mistake or customer complaint away from being fired.

63). You don’t recommend your restaurant to friends and family.

64). Most of your friends are from the industry and they tend to be flakey, damaged, and leave.

65). You know which places have the best prices for drinks for after work.

66). You think fries and ranch dip are one of the four food groups.

67). You don’t show up for one or more of your shifts each week.

68). You have sarcastic nicknames for your restaurant, corporation, or management.

69). You dread going to work before every shift.

70). You used spoiled garnishes for drinks.

71). If you notice the open sign is off and you don’t turn it on.

72). You can’t decide if you are more apathetic or lethargic.

73). You don’t care if drinks that go out to tables are made incorrectly. 

74). You expect the worst of people (even when they clearly aren’t).

75). You never go back to places you used to work at.