I brought Mary to my lounge for some drinks. She was cute and interesting enough, but maybe eating cherries and orange slices out of the bartender’s fruit tray should’ve been a red flag. In hindsight that’s obvious, but as a young man who found it hard to meet women I gave her a chance.

***

We met at a dive bar. It had good pizza and wings, VLTs, and some shady ppl. But I wouldn’t call it inhospitable, and if you left people alone you were fine.I was there with my friend Joseph. He was a nice guy, not the sharpest tool in the shed, but he did well with women; especially since his standards weren’t high. He had odd tendencies like spouting out conspiracy theories and telling stories about himself that obviously weren’t true. He once said he was a Navy Seal and his team assassinated Osama Bin Laden (I’m dead serious). But he was a solid friend that stood by me through bad times.

Anyway, there was a relatively cute, blond girl  (Mary) by herself in the booth across from us. Maybe that was the first red flag, a girl like her being alone in a sketchy bar. There’s nothing wrong with promiscuous women, they’re just not my type. With hindsight I shouldn’t make assumptions about her, but based on others things I recall she likely got around.

Joseph moved in on her quickly. Whether she gave us inviting signs I don’t know, but it quickly became obvious she was more interested in my instead. It was probably because I was in the best shape of my life, having lost 60 pounds after being obese, hit the gym constantly, and I was only 26. Or it could’ve been Joseph was overly aggressive with her.

I can’t remember our initial conversation or the remainder of the time at the bar. Most likely we all got drunk and it was 15 years ago. But we ended up at my place nearby. Spoiler: Nothing happened! All I remember was Mary looking over my vast array of history books and her confusion that so many were about war. A word of advice for history nerds: Unless a woman likes military history, don’t tell her you study war. They won’t remember that you love little animals or that you’re polite and easygoing instead.

***

A few days later I drove her to some hippie concert or event. I don’t say that with any disrespect, as I’ve gotten older I share many of their values. But I was young and liked military history, so we made an odd couple as we showed up. I didn’t go to the event with her, which suited me. Despite bartending for 17 years I’m not particularly fond of concerts, dislike most parties, and was generally reserved at the time.

But she enjoyed it and we texted the next few days and arranged a date at my restaurant, followed by going to a night club.

We went to my workplace, which I’ll describe another time. I was a prep-cook/delivery driver/dishwasher and made far more money than my previous job as a manager, which I was “let go” of. That happens in the hospitality industry, you can go from management to washing dishes. I often felt the girls there looked down on me for this. They were flirty enough because I was good looking, but otherwise didn’t take me seriously. 

Whatever the case, the bartender was confused when I showed up with a decently attractive girl. Our time at the bar was awkward and not particularly pleasant. We soon realized that besides mutual physical attraction we had little in common. I made some cynical comments about humankind, as all grizzled writers do, but failed to understand young women don’t always find that funny. For my part, I wasn’t impressed when Mary emptied half the bar’s fruit tray with her mouth. I’m surprised the bartender didn’t put a stop to this… perhaps he was so shocked or entertained he didn’t know what to do.

Afterwards, we drove by an off-sale to pick up booze. For some reason she paid by giving money through the large opening the attendant puts the alcohol through, instead of via the window near the cashier. By then I realized Mary was out to the lunch, either through drugs, being a free spirit, or both. We got into an argument about this in the car as we drove away, with me suggesting she had been rude to the man. Obviously, getting into an argument the second time you meet a girl is not a good omen, but with hindsight I’m okay with the final result. 

It was uncomfortable as we drove by another lounge, where I had worked a year earlier. It was attached to a hotel, ran by cheap owners, and managed by a passive aggressive bitch. I had quit early on and obviously didn’t think highly of the place. I’ve often worn my emotions on my sleeve, especially when I was younger, and Mary picked up on my displeasure towards the lounge immediately.

She said something like “you don’t like that place do you,” which thankfully broke the temporary freeze between us. I turned, gave a sad smile and said “yaa… I used to work there, it wasn’t a great place to be.” The tension evaporated completely. It took me a long time to realize how much more women are in tune with emotions, vibes, and even surroundings. Because even the girl who ate Maraschino Cherries from the bar tray could read me like a book.

We went to the nightclub but didn’t stay long as we got into another argument, again over something petty. She had told me warmly to come sit with her, which I did. Then she asked me to do something which I took it as a demand. I can’t remember what it was, if I misread her tone, or if she sound bossy. But as a dumb guy in his 20s, “who didn’t take crap from anyone,” I flatly refused and likely puffed out my chest. 

What a joke! She shook her head, went to dance with her friends, and ignored me. A few minutes later I left… wondering whether or not I was sad how the date ended.

***

I’ve had plenty of dates during my career and wish I could make sense of this one or offer some lesson from it… but I can’t. All I know is the girl who got her daily intake of Vitamin C from my lounge’s fruit try wasn’t the one who got away.

I saw her a few weeks later as I drove down my street, ironically she lived only two blocks away. She was friendly, apparently forgetting about the unpleasant ending of our date. She invited me to her house, we had two drinks, and she fell asleep in front of me. Mary made a joke about not taking advantage of her and it was creepy being in her house as she passed out on the couch. I put a blanket on her, turned Mary on her side so if she threw up it wouldn’t choke her, and left.

I’m sure some people find love in the bar industry but with hindsight I probably should’ve spent more time in coffee shops when I was younger.