“I Sell Bull Semen.” -Sam at the Bartop
It was probably Thursday night. The place wasn’t busy as I had in-depth conversations with customers at the bar. A young man, probably in his mid-20s, sat at the bartop. I didn’t like working there (a pizza place in the suburbs), mostly due to management. But I put on my game face and did the usual routine.
I don’t remember his name, let’s call him Sam. Don’t know what he drank either. The first because he only came in once. The second because he wasn’t drunk or obnoxious (bartenders remember that).
But he was polite, professional, and well spoken. That’s one of the best types of customers. They don’t fight, take advantage of you, and if something goes wrong they’re always nice.
As we talked I asked what he did for a living. He looked away for a moment, smiled, and said “I sell bull semen.” I don’t remember my exact response but I didn’t laugh or roll my eyes, as I was tired and experienced enough to not take things so seriously. Or to be put off when people say crazy things. But he was telling the truth.
***
The young man told me his story. I can’t remember everything but it was more mundane than you’d think. Whenever there was a pause I asked thoughtful questions. It’s what an experienced bartender is suppose to do. He detailed his job, life, and fiancé.
He was clearly a salesman. With unexpected enthusiasm he said what his job involved, how much each type of bull (and their fluids) sold for, and maybe what his salary was. It’s been many years and he never bragged about it, but he made good money.
Somehow our talk turned to dating. Maybe I saw a ring, he introduced the subject, or I asked him if the nature of his merchandize made it hard to attract women. That’s half the battle and while I often had no problem approaching women, breaking the ice wasn’t my strength.
He met his fiancé on Plenty of Fish or Tinder. Tinder had recently been created (this was in 2013) but I assume it was mostly a hook up site even back then. The man wasn’t a player, despite his money and confidence. It had to have been Plenty of Fish.
We traded stories about all the crap men had to deal with dating in the early 2010s (it’s even worse now). Women had it little easier but they get more empathy; men are used to their issues being dismissed. In online dating at the time I had two dates in one year and I was a good looking and in shape! There were no lack of women flirting with me in real life but on dating sites men don’t have the advantage. Sam had the same experience but met a cute girl with a good personality online. I remember Sam saying he had pre-prepared responses to explain his job (selling bull semen) to picky women in a harsh dating landscape.
He likely didn’t give many examples as I don’t remember any. I just know after two decades of serious writing I have no clue how I’d sell that. Emphasizing his salary would be easiest, but that rarely attracts a woman of quality. Either way, he was a happy and pleasant customer who tipped well. And he found that rare breed of modern women who are wife material and not shallow.
In my 17 years of bartending I never found one until I met my girl bartending out of a utility room at a football stadium. But that’s for another time.