“It’s just a bag blowing in the wind… do you have any idea how complicated your circulatory system is?” -God, Family Guy The restaurant industry is like war. 95% of the time it’s boring and mundane and the other 5% is interesting and chaotic. It’s not like how it’s portrayed in Hollywood: Not every staff…

“Grant stood by me when I was crazy, and I stood by him when he was drunk, and now we stand by each other.” -William Tecumseh Sherman Every bartender has that friend. Someone they met in the industry, is always down for drinking, and follows you from bar job to bar job. If you’ve seen…

Julio was an easygoing, reliable line cook, who never caused me trouble. I was managing at the second best job in my career and was always happy to see him. Usually he had the morning/afternoon shift, while I did nights, and we’d speak briefly during the turn over. He was from Mexico, did weed, and…

“There are no bad soldiers, only bad officers.” -Napoleon Bonaparte 1). You always think with your dick (most managers are men). 2). You think cocaine is one of the four food groups. 3). You only hire based on physical attractiveness. 4). You allow a toxic atmosphere. 5). You suck at communicating with your staff. 6).…

“Don’t worry, I learned how to make plenty of drinks at bartending school: Gin and… tonic? Do they mix?” -Moe the Bartender, The Simpsons 1). You sell drugs at your bar. 2). You snort cocaine at your bar. 3). You hit on all the waitresses. 4). You hit on none of the waitresses. 5). You…

I was 33, Kailey was 23. I was bartending and back at university, she was a pianist training to be a veterinarian. I was at the height of my confidence in the industry, Kailey was the most attractive colleague I’ve ever worked with. Everyone has an ideal version of who they’d like to bang the…