When the MeToo phenomenon was at its height a movement in my city sprung up to highlight sexual harassment against local women. Unsurprisingly, much of the focus was on restaurants, bars, and male managers. Anyone who has spent time in the industry with at least half a brain knows how widespread disrespect against women in the industry is. If I had a daughter I’d never let her work at any restaurant.
Lame excuses like “boys will be boys,” pointing out how often women dress provocatively, or that many flirt for tips, doesn’t excuse vile comments and inappropriate physical conduct. I won’t pretend in my long career I’ve never hit on many, said or texted foolish things, or have no regrets. But unlike countless snakes in the industry I can live with myself and never took advantage of anyone. There’s a difference between having to apologize and taking hits for being an idiot, and committing verbal abuse, inappropriate touching, and other unpleasantness that’s inflicted upon hostesses, waitresses, and bartenders on a daily basis.
Such context is necessary to explains a ridiculous interview I had at a mediocre, but popular (they usually overlap) restaurant chain. The manager wasn’t even among the worst offenders, and was never accused or found guilty of sexual assault. But his comments, demeanour, even entitlement, was a textbook example of the unfortunate themes cited above. I don’t believe in cancel culture, we are all flawed souls, but I didn’t shed a tear when he was called out and expended to the ash heap of bartending history. To paraphrase the Quran “God would never wrong him, but he wronged himself.”
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Years before the MeToo movement I waited in a booth to be interviewed for a bartending position by the GM. It was early in my career and I was male, overweight, and not very attractive. With hindsight, I shouldn’t have bothered applying there. Not every place needs 10 out of 10 attractive people, especially for a good well bartender. But in the industry looks matter more than you’d think and I was barely a 5 at the time. But I was young and oblivious and didn’t realize this second-rate chain restaurant hired 95% based on looks.
Anyway, I was sat in a distant booth few customers would want by an obviously annoyed waitress, who knew I wouldn’t get the job. I’m 90% sure I wasn’t offered a drink. Waitresses are like Great White sharks, if they see blood (tips) in the water they pounce. For an interview that offered them nothing, most walk away and never come back.
I waited a long time for the interview to start. A ridiculous and disrespectfully long time. I’ve heard you’ll never be treated better by a company than during the interview process. Thank god I wasn’t hired, but if I was at least I wouldn’t of had to wear high heels, a short skirt, and been barraged with sexual slogans by the pig GM.
While waiting I heard the GM interview two young girls to be hostesses. Despite him being at least 30 and them 15 or 16, he flirted shamelessly the whole time. He was a respected man in the community, had a nice family, and was seen as affable by everyone. But being affable doesn’t automatically make someone a good person. Charmers can cheat, lie, backstab, and destroy lives as much as blatant assholes. Their affable nature makes them even more positioned and ideal to do so. I’m not saying he was a narcissist but he was definitely slimy.
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Eventually, the GM ended the interview with the girls and joined me in the booth. I can’t remember much, due to the passage of time and because it was the shortest interview I’ve ever had. But he looked at me and immediately realized I was a guy, overweight, and admittedly not the best interviewer. The conversation was forced, the questions short, and I was out of there within 2 minutes. This versus the 10 minute creepy conversation he had with the teenagers just before.
While I was much younger, dumber, and naive at the time, I still knew exactly what happened as I walked out. That the GM was a dick, led mostly with his dick, and hot young women can get hired at most restaurants. Whatever I felt at the time, I know now that not getting that job was strategically beneficial. That place remains my least favourite chain restaurant and how it survives boggles my mind.
But that’s what fake restaurant reviews by employees and relatives are good for: Propping up mediocre or worse places that should be allowed to fail. I’ll cover that another time.
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Years later, when the local MeToo movement erupted in my city my mom mentioned the restaurant and said a former manager had been accused by MANY women of sexual harassment. I asked her if his name was (can’t say it here obviously) and she looked at me in surprise and said “how did you know?” Most of the time I’m logical and want evidence but other times all you need is instinct. My instinct knew the answer instantly.
He was cancelled of course and let go of whatever charity he represented. I think it related to mental health, ironic given how much psychological pain he inflicted on his female staff. Again, I don’t believe in cancel culture and found it disgusting when people issued death threats and insulted his innocent family. Especially as he was never accused or found guilty of sexual assault.
BUT he was arrogant, slimy, disrespectful during my interview, and unworthy of the title and responsibilities he commanded. Henry Kissinger once said “ninety percent of politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.” I wouldn’t say this percentage necessary applies to male managers in my industry, but this man belonged to the bottom 5% (and that’s being generous).
The only difference between him and so many others is that he was called out, exposed, and reaped the whirlwind he had sowed.